If we're all being honest.

I recently went on a journey of self discovery...Which in my case means I watched the entire first season of "Girls" in my pajamas on a Wednesday night, because I'm quite literally a loner in Los Angeles.

The thing I love most about the show is that the director / creator / protagonist Lena Dunham, who I'm already planning to confess my love for in a later post, exudes a complete lack of fear in depicting the insecurities and short-comings of our generation (most often at her own expense).

Her honesty as a writer inspired me literally within hours. It is one of the main things I constantly find challenging in life... being truly honest.
 About myself. About what the hell is going on around me.
About all aspects concerning this often retarded life (that I continue to stay optimistic about).

I have insecurities, as most of us do, but I guess I'm the type that chooses not to take my insecurities out on others or torture myself with them. I instead try to quickly, and steadily, move past them/ignore them. That is one truth about me that I think has boded well for my survival and sanity in this vanity-driven world.

Here is a couple more.

I'm really good at bullshitting, but not very good at shmoozing (aka kissing ass).
I care about what people think, but wish I didn't.
I give my time to people who don't deserve it. Because, honestly, who the hell wants to hear every detail of your miserable life and why am I stuck listening to it.
I used to like being described as nice, but now it nauseates me.
I know I don't know more than the average human about music but I feel like I have a particular taste that should be shared, even if that makes me sound hipsterish.
I, in no way, know how to accessories myself.
I wish i was doing something I completely loved.
I feel pathetically "my generation" in that I think I deserve constant recognition for every piece of bullshit I come up with.
I wish I was more ballsy.
I still feel like a loser around the people that are now actual losers (in a societal sense) from my hometown.
There are some people that make me feel more alive just being around them. I desperately want to be one of those people.
I have no fucking idea why people have so much faith in me.
I know shit I write doesn't have any precedence but in all honesty I just want my kids and grandkids to know me when I die and not an older, wrinkly, less hopeful version of who I am now. 
Sometimes, at the most random times, my memory will repeat back to me the most awful thing anyone has ever said to/about me (at least to my face). It's at those moments I really despise having a good memory.

So there is a list of things that you absolutely did not need to know about me, but somehow makes me feel a little bit more honest & resolved for the time being.

Happy New Year to you all and may each day be a greater reminder that



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